long time, no words.apologies.

Hi everyone, 

I hope you are doing just swell.I am sorry for the lack of posts and updates on this crazy blog of mine.I don’t know how many people actually are going to continue to follow me and these posts anyways since I am now home but I mise well write.

You did see correctly I am back in snowy, cold, wonderful, corn filled, hickerbilly Indiana.

When I last posted I was enjoying ship life and continued to do so for the months following, even during the storms, the crying children and the missing sock cases.The beers were nice, the flow of different languages still opened my eyes and well the beaches were still sandy.

My family came to visit which was like a vacation but I was still working, I got to take them to my favorite places and got to introduce them to my kind of living; loud music, different ethnicities and real mexican cuisine. Following that little escapade came Halloween which seemed to blow up ship life to an more exaggerating feel. By exaggerating feel I mean you could literally feel the amount of excitement of just letting loose for every crew member that whole cruise week like a bomb going off. The people, the music and the free beer was like a riot right before my eyes. The crew went insane, costumes ranging from a tee-shirt to authenticity that marveled even the entertainment staff. It was like a crew party I had never seen before. People packed into Chambers like sardines, the music deafening in the halls for the quick passerby guests to hear and guess what kind of nonsense was happening behind those closed glass doors, the smoke machines filling the room and our lungs, the dancing lights and of course all the drinks.I had never experienced anything so crazy, anything so loud and anything so fun.But it was only going to get better. My boyfriend and his lovely family came to see me which was nerve-racking but fantastic all in the same.Since I had never met them it was like a turn on my daily life too. The customary of meeting your significant others family and getting familiarized was all cut down into a mere 30mins. Let’s be honest they were stuck with me and me with them for a week. No exits, no hiding but together on a boat. We hugged, we joked and they accepted me. It was amazing. These people are amazing, loving, caring and wonderful with no judgement. They had never met me before and they already made me feel like I belonged in the first 5 minuets of meeting. I needed this, after my family had left I felt alone and more so then I had when I had first got there. Taking away somebodies familiars is taking away their home, and that was the worse part of seeing somebody because it eventually leads to goodbyes. I had used time to build myself up without them there with me and now i had to rework myself into doing it all again. I wanted familiarity, let’s be honest familiarity helps with all things bad. I am not saying ship life was terrible or anything of the sort but it was lonely. But back to the Will’s… ship-life came with rolling waves, small rooms and interesting food but they seemed to enjoy it while they were there. We went to comedy, we explored St. Maartan together and we had a blast. Mike has been nothing but good to me. Accepting, trusting and loving as always. It was a wonderful week and just made me that more excited about going home. In between the time of him and his family leaving I grew more excited. I was counting down days, packing my things and giving away others. Packing was the worse, I had bought so much and done so much that it was just ridiculous trying to fit it all into two suitcases. My last week was unforgettable. My grandparents were there, two crew parties one out back and one in the disco and of course the jello shots. I grew, I learned and I explored. 

While hating to leave ship life, I came to the realization that it was time to stop running and to finally figure out what it is I want to do with this life. I was given a gift just like everyone else, we are given a life and it is what we make of it. You can construct monuments or you can live with what someone else gives you but you are in charge of what you do; no one else, not your parents, not your idols, just you. I have done some amazing things in the last 5 years if I do say so myself, I graduated from high school, I swam for college, I went to nationals twice, I worked for Mickey Mouse and I explored the Western and Eastern Caribbean. Now what I do next is the next great adventure and figuring it out will just be half the fun. 

love, kisses and kittens

Lex

Storms and Salsa.<3

I dont think I have ever seen so much rain fall in Mexico. I am watching as rain plummets to the ocean like speeding bullets shooting from guns. It’s insane. It’s not like Indiana rain where the rain drops hit the roof in comforting pit-pats or in fits like a toddler being told no.This is something different, something very different. This is a storm on the ocean. When the water meets water, both hitting equally as hard as the other. Rain pours from the darkening sky and it’s probably one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen. The ocean was calm and lapping up to the beach playfully  just 10mins ago and now its hitting the beach as if it were in a war trying to take over new land from the enemy, neither side winning. Everything is in a constant struggle the sun to the clouds, the ocean to the beach and the people against the rain, everything coming into a beautiful balance.

Just let me first apologize for not being on for so long. The internet on the boat and the islands is spotty at best and this is probably the best internet I have had since getting here. I am sitting at the beautiful El Cid Resort, in Cozumel, Mexico eating chips, salsa and guac. I am sitting here watching the storm unfold. There is no thunder, no lightening, just the waves hitting the rocks and the rain hitting the ocean. Really i shouldn’t have said anything about the internet because now it keeps going out on me now…

There isn’t really much to say, the same thing happens everyday. I get up, go to work, take a nap maybe eat, go back to work, deal with over-protective parents telling me how to do my job, deal with crying kids, drink myself into a stupor, contemplate life and then go to bed. That’s pretty much my life story at this point.

Have you ever wished you had a compass that told you exactly which direction to go?Like it would tell you the different options and choices along the way?That maybe to easy if it were too tell you everything. But a life-direction-compass would come into handy at least you would be able to tell if your going in the right direction or if you need to turn around. If you ever had a problem just whip that bad boy out and see where you lost yourself and you would be good to go.

Anyways i am contemplating different ideas for books but the more i think of the different ideas the more i realize that others have already wrote about the same thing and I want to be totally original..I think i just need to try harder.But with as much time I have to myself the less i think thats possible.

Well the storm has stopped and I am dying to get back in the water. I hope all is fine at home and everywhere else.

love you all and miss you even more.

hugs&kisses&kittens

Lex

Memories hit the hardest when all you want is too sleep.

You know every time I get on facebook I just get a little more depressed?As dumb as that sounds it’s the truth.I feel like I have fallen off the band wagon.This isn’t a post trying to get sympathy or anything of the sort, so keep your “Alexis everything is fine..etc.”nonsense comments to yourself, I really don’t want to read them.This post is just for me to express that I feel like I have been dropped off the bandwagon and I am getting more cynical by the minute.

Everyone on social media websites that I am linked up too just seems so happy.Freshly out of college, graduated from high school and is looking to settle down and too start that family that will just be picture perfect or some bullshit and I just find myself sitting here trying hard not to gag.I use to be that little girl dreaming of some prince or whatever to come sweep me off my feet and I thought several times I had finally found him or that he had found me.But the more I think of it and the more the idea turns in my head the more it makes me feel nauseous.This commitment that most people have the balls to make is a life long commitment with no exits, in my opinion, to leave through.Sure divorce whatever, but the people with the real backbone and balls are the ones that can fight and make it through the day without actually killing the person that yells, fights, makes you feel insignificant in the worst of ways or makes you cry by the end of the day.

I surely can’t be the only one that is so cynical to think that love or romance skipped my generation?Or maybe it really just skipped me and I am the one who is suppose to be alone.Maybe I am meant to be the old woman in the nursing home bitching about cold carrots or the kids getting too close to my mailbox, the old woman who relies on her sister for her daily visits and that she will wheel her through the outdoors every once a week. Romantic comedies and some of the greatest love movies (from Gone with the Wind to Footloose to Dirty Dancing to Moulin Rouge to Breakfast at Tiffany’s and even to Notebook) has lost all appeal.I just don’t get it, something just isn’t clicking.It’s so frustrating knowing I just can’t accept that people can be that happy.Maybe it’s the fact that I have always felt alone in relationships, always thinking I am putting in 110% while the other person just thinks of me as an option?Maybe I am just dramatic?Or maybe I am just stupid.They are all valid answers I guess.

The main point of this whole post is suppose to be of memories and too be honest ever since I left Bloomington all I have thought about is the past.The future freaks me out and with the past I feel the burn of what happened, sometimes getting embarrassed for myself and other times just thinking well that really sucked but at least I know the ending to those stories.I don’t have to think about the unknown.Normally I am not one that goes on the straight and narrow, I am always trying to find my own way even if it’s harder I like the exciting and the adventurous but when it comes to what ill be doing in a couple of years,yeah, you can count me out of that conversation.

Memories can make a person go crazy with happiness, make you cry from that awful feeling your heart gets when it starts tightening up, regret can rack your body like after running a marathon, embarrass you so much that you have to laugh at yourself, make you think of all those other options and roads that you could have picked and anger from not being what exactly your not. Memories are what make you what you are.You learn from mistakes and memories are just the unwritten diary pages in your mind that you got to live, I mean if you have a bad memory you’ll stay away from what was caused during that memory.So the more I think and re-read my words, I think maybe I am so hindered by what I thought was love but merely turned into a bunch of lies and a half broken heart that I will keep most everybody at an arms length and that’s why I hate everyone talking about how bright their own future is because they have certainty of always having someone with them.

The wedding collages and the baby pictures are just getting to be too much.Am I really getting to that point in my life where i have to start thinking of all that nonsense that comes with getting older?I mean I feel like I just got out of High School or even younger than that.I don’t want to see the people that I havent talked to in four years start setting up a life when I have no idea what I am doing with mine.I mean let’s be honest I feel like I am being left in the dust and choking on it.I have no idea what I am doing.I am on a fucking boat, traveling around,which is wonderful, but I am not going anywhere.I am literally standing still watching as the others just pass me by.And all I can think about is “Look at these morons, getting married and shit.Having real jobs and yeah..having a house..”but the more I say it the less people I have to say it too.It’s like everyone is doing what is expected and I am just too stuck in running away from everything to really even face it.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t give up what I am doing for anything (not yet at least) but sometimes I just question what it is I am missing.Something that really hasn’t left my mind since I heard it was this “Oh, when you both broke up I was just so surprised. I thought you two would be the ones to get married in a couple of years and babies not long after.”…That stupid little conversation that went more in depth has not stopped bothering me because I was positive that was what was going to happen.I was betting on getting married and having kids just a few years down the road, traveling around and always coming second without really admitting it out loud because that’s what I thought love was. I thought I was suppose to give up everything, everything I ever wanted and just have babies and be totally content in second place and you know I think really I have aways thought that was what love was.Always putting your significant other in front of your own wants and needs and always suppressing what it is that you want.Its life lessons like these that make the most painful memories replay over and over again in your head so many times that it feels like the thought and the memory is just bouncing off one wall in your skull to the other, just echoing, again and again.What’s worst, is there is no stopping it.The stopping of a memory would be a gift and a curse rolled into one.Sure the gift would be forgetting but how short lived would it be if you ran into the problem again?The curse would be running into this very problem and not being able to already have that memory in your mind so that you would be able to protect yourself from what may happen next. There wouldn’t be a memory in your head to tell you “Hey stupid don’t go down this road, he’s a lying cheating asshole like the rest of the guys you meet.Don’t listen to a word he says.”

In conclusion, I have decided that I really don’t know what love is nor am I ready to find out what exactly it means, I think I will continue to glare at facebook and all of it’s wedding announcements and criticize peoples picks on wedding colors on pintrest by myself. I have always hopped around thinking I had found it,love that is, just to be let down time and time again and I am not looking for the next memory to haunt me before I fall asleep.I seem to always be giving the wrong people the chance and closing out all the right ones.I am not looking for love and I am not looking for anything that goes along with it but sometimes I get to thinking this is a terrible beautiful life not to be able to share it with anyone else. 

with everything i can muster and more.

hugs&kisses&kittens

alexis

 

The Good Samaritan is a dumbass and gets greedy. (disclaimer:there are a few naughty words)

Ugh.So doing your own laundry is not only annoying but it’s also time consuming and difficult to manage.I mean there are so many cycles, type of clothing, color v.s. white, delicate v.s. fleece, it’s just dumb.Don’t get me wrong I have done my own laundry for a couple of years all by myself but there a comes a point in time where you start thinking, “You know what?Fuck this.I am just going to throw it all out and buy new shit because doing laundry sucks.” I mean the sorting process takes about ten minutes and then having to do different loads just so the colors don’t meld together or it doesn’t shrink or because your scared your bras’ wire will sprout out of the side takes forever.I would rather be sleeping or reading or you know not doing laundry.But I guess all in all this is just another first world problem and I take it for granted, I am not going to lie but if I go through the trouble to sort through all my laundry then I really would rather it not get fucked up. Whether the laundry machine decides its going to mess with me or some other human being decides they want the machine I am using.BACK OFF!

Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat, laundry doesn’t get finished in a mere 45mins that just doesn’t happen.You have to let it wash and then you have to let it dry, thats a good 50mins for washing and then what 42 mins for drying?So all in all your looking at around 2hours or so for laundry.Now my meeting was suppose to go from 5-6, it started late and we got out early. I put my laundry in the washer around 4:40 or so and then came back maybe 5:52 to put my things into the dryer but low and behold!My shit was already in the dryer, COMPLETELY DRY!What the hell!?

Be prepared, this is all bitching:

A)I have dirty underwear in my laundry, I don’t know who you let touch your dirty underwear but unless your my mother (and that’s not even allowed at this point) or me you are NOT too touch my underwear.Whether they be clean or dirty, I DONT CARE, DON’T TOUCH MY SHIT.Don’t touch my lacy thongs or my period hip huggers because you want my damn machine!UGH!Not only is it gross but c’mon.I dont know you, you don’t know me, GTFO.B)I have sorted my laundry in a sort of way that you don’t understand.Did I explain to you how I wanted my laundry done?Are you in my head?NO!DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF!C)Have you have touched lace before?Have you ever owned a Victoria Secret Bra?Or even wore one?NO?WELL THEN WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING MY SHIT?!Lace clinks up when you dry it, (HENCE WHY IT”S CALLED DELICATE) causing those really cool designs in thread on the back of my shirt to break apart and rip.Bras?they aren’t suppose to be in the damn dryer to begin with.They wear out faster.Do you have money?No?Well neither do I.Do you know what that means,jackass? I won’t be buying a new bra for a while because you have decided to blast the heat on my nude bra.So thank you.D)When it comes to swim suits you aren’t suppose to dry them.Not boys, not girls, nobodies.And guess what you fucked up two bathing suits for me.Oh, would you look at that.I ONLY PACKED TWO!SO that’s a shirt,a bra and two bathing suits I am now out because of your greedy machine wanting ass.BUT I AM NOT EVEN DONE!E)Do you like taking other peoples bottoms to wear around?Because if so you need help.That is disgusting and not clean.Just so you know I peed in those bottoms, so I really hope you enjoy. 

Let’s just clarify, this whole rant is because some asshole took it among themselves to do my laundry.Notification-Don’t touch anyones laundry that is not yours.It’s not ok.I don’t go around touching peoples and I expect the same respect.

Sorry about the cussing and about the nonsense but I am entirely too tired to be dealing with this.I am running off 6cups of coffee and 4hours of sleep (thank you boat drill).

But too the good part of my day—I was told today I got my first TGM!This is when guests comment on me and use my name and everything and send it to the head office and what not and then my supervisor has to appreciate me!MUHAHAHHAH.Only my 2nd week last week and I got comments?And!I was the only one that got any recognition!Can you say winning?I also got another comment card.It was a pretty good day..except for the jackass.

I gotta go back to work.Love you all.

hugs&kisses&kittens

Lex

sand between your toes and the ocean breeze in your face.

I feel like all i do is get on here and just say the same thing over, over and over again.But whatever until i hear i need to change something i dont think i will.

So for the past couple of days i have been working as the baby-sitter, which is one of those jobs that are awesome but have total draw backs.Last night there was a crew party and the theme was latin night, its probably a good thing i didnt get off till 2:30am because i would have just embarrassed myself seeing as i can’t dance to begin with.Anyway, kids get dropped off at whatever time to begin with then the parents have the option to pick up till 3.I am telling you what, this cruise i have the best kids compared to the last kids on the last cruise.The first cruise i had a good beginning bunch, not to hard to handle but still had a few streaks while last cruise i swear i was just about to pull my hair out.This cruise i have some of the sweetest nicest kids that i have been able to meet.

But back to last night this young couple had dropped off there 2.5 year old and a 1yr they seriously would melt the coldest of hearts.The couple stayed out till 2:15 and when they got back you could tell they had enjoyed themselves at Caliente (nightclub). While i know i am here to watch children and not to be stupid or anything but i was kind of upset. I mean you have two very young children who didnt fall asleep until around 1-1:15 and your just out getting crazy?I know this is vacation but coming back at 2:15 is kind of like seriously?I can’t make judgement and i am not trying to i am just a little taken-back by that.I don’t think my family would leave me with a service till 3.But who knows they are young and they probably don’t get a lot of time to themselves, so whatever.

After work i headed straight for pizza pirate, as staff i am allowed to eat any where as long as i am in uniform or in resort clothing crew however isn’t so lucky,i knew thats where all my friends would be.Let’s be honest who doesnt like to have a few drinks and then fill up with pizza?Like i had guessed there was a fair amount of them, still pretty boozed up. To be honest i didn’t go to bed till around 3:45ish?There was just so much going on, cabin parties and such it was literally nonsense everywhere.

Today we got to go to Roatan, which is absolutely gorgeous a) and b) everyone is so nice.I bought some stuff too send home, i don’t know how i am going to do it yet but i do have a couple surprises.Also!i tried banana rum cake, i about died.It was amazing it took all of my will-power not to stuff my face and buy boxes on boxes…ugh.In Roatan there is this thing that is like a ski lift but it takes you to the beach, it is wonderful.It’s just so pretty.Today was also the Crew Party on the sand bar with the other ship called Conquest, it was amazing.So much fun and i met tons of people.i also got a free beer.snaps for me!

I wish I could keep typing but I have to take a shower.I have work at 6.:/

i miss you all back home and hope everyone is doing well.Ill call on saturday!

love you!

hugs&kisses&kittens<3

lex

feeling like jimmy buffet, without the sponge cake.

Sorry its been so long, it’s been a crazy two weeks. I have learned lots, made tons of friends and i am loving every minute of it. 

Laying on the beach and drinking in the sun is probably the best thing that is known to man.Some may disagree and think i am ignorant but being here just makes me think of how blessed i truly am.Getting to this point in my life i have already accomplished so much; I have graduated from high school, swam in college, had leads in plays in college, became a captain, worked at Disney..etc. Just sitting here in the sand, having the hot mexican sun beat on me, listening to the waves roll into the beach, seeing everyone drinking drinks with umbrellas in their cups just makes a person feel so lucky.

The people here are wonderful, everyone is super patient with my ignorance as too what is going on half of the time and they seem to like me.:) There isn’t alot to do on the ship unless you want to drink.I go to the comedy club as much as i can, there is a night club called Caliente (that i try to avoid, just because i have to dress up), there is a singing bar, a piano bar but my favorite place is the crew lounge (this is also where the majority of my money seems to go).After a long day of work this is where all the fun happens.From being loud obnoxious co-workers-to making new friends-to the wonderful drinks that come so cheap( whats up 2 bottle of bud light for 2.54)-to amazing memories.I am having a blast. 

While I may be having a blast it seems as though it is coming with a price.I am constantly tired normally only getting 4-5hours sleep, there is no rest for the wicked.My 56 hour week went all the way up to a 60 hour week because some girl decided that she wasn’t going to show up at port on saturday to be picked up by the boat.Whatever with great experiences come great responsibilities. 

I think Cozumel is probably my favorite port thus far, I haven’t gotten to explore alot of the other ports but i have gotten at least a little taste of each.Cozumel’s water is gorgeous here on Paradise Beach. There are huge inflatable play toys; trampolines, slides huge things to jump off of (so naturally i did it all.)

Well.i am done boring you and i am sorry for the poor writing today but the beach is calling my name and this beer is tasting a little to good, btw i am drinking SOL it’s kind of like corona but not, I wish i were drinking a margarita but i have babies to watch at 7.

i love you all and wish you a wonderful week.

hugs,kisses&&kittens

lex.

homesickness is a real buzzkill.

ok.so this isn’t what i was expecting. i dont know if i am in a funk because this is still so new to me but it is sucking bad.normally i make friends right off the bat and maybe it’s because i am so much younger than everyone else and no one is as eager to make a new friend?i need people.lol.i sound so bleh.but it really is hitting me. i am trying to stop and i keep trying to be positive but i dont know why this is so hard for me and it’s making me so frustrated. anyways enough of that nonsense. i went out for the first time last night and mom this is a note for you, i need my party clothes. so that blue dress,black dress and red one i need!pleassse.i look like such a dork walking around in maxi dresses on formal night. but back to me going out last night..i went to the crew lounge, which is our bar, just for a beer and one of my coworkers saw me.Cue stupid. Her name is Samantha, she is canadian and she is really sassy. i thought she didn’t like me too well but she invited me to hang out with her and her new boyfriend (she has only been on the ship for a week..)trying to be polite i went with her to the karokee bar to meet her dj boyfriend, Rodrigo, and listened to some of the worst singers ever..then they were all like come to Caliente with us..i tried getting out of it but they werent having it, so i thought ok why not i’ll go.Already tipsy we went to this club and this club is for both guests and crew, well i left 15mins in because i knew i had to be up early.i couldn’t do it. i don’t know why, i am normally into going out and what not but i just wasn’t feeling it. maybe it was because i felt so underdressed but it just wasn’t the night. Plus all she does is talk about herself, non-stop. Well i am fine here.i am just really lonely and i miss home.i know it will get better at some point but i want it to be that point now.i am too impatient for nonsense like this. alsooo my stupid toliet doesnt work.do you know how annoying that is?total bullshit. i am going to go to the gym today, i hope it will clear my head. i am already counting down the days till i am home.

i love you all,

hugs,kisses, and kittens

lex

p.s. i think the kids like me, so that makes things a bit better.<3

p.s.s once again i am not spell checking or re-reading, ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.

im on the boat!

ok!so i am on the boat and we are going pretty fast. i can feel myself drifting to one side to the other. today is the first day out at sea.all is fine here but i need to keep this short, i have to be at work in 20mins. so i got to the ship after about a 50min drive from the renissance hotel and well i stood in line for a good 40mins went to some training then went to my room and well my mouth about dropped open. they really spoiled me with the hotel room..seriously i was picturing small but this thing could count as harry’s broom closet under the stairs…my room-mate who doesn’t even stay in my room, she just takes up space, is a woman from the islands.shes a sweetheart but totally infuriating when it comes to being clean and organized.like most of you know i am not cleaned and i dont like to organize but in a space this small there comes a time where you just have to be.

i worked all day yesterday.my uniform doesnt fit (my shirt is a medium and i look like a gangster because its so big and my pants are medium and they are too tight in the crotch, i was like i have an ass and hips can i get new stuff and they were all like we dont have any but some are ordered.so now i am walking around the ship looking like a ragmuffin with frizzy hair.). i dont think any of my crew members like me and i am pretty lonely.

i can’t read this or spell check.so i am really sorry if this isnt making sense but i have to go to work.i hope everyone is having a lovely day and know that i love you all and miss you all so much.

hugs,kisses and kittens

lex

 

p.s.

no one,on this boat, likes country…

good morning.

hello again!

just a quick entry before i get underway! i slept something awful last night, nightmares and lots of turning in my sleep.but it’s all ok i am on my third cup of coffee and i think the room is spinning.lol.not.

i laid out a real cute outfit to board the ship last night and then i thought, if i go in wearing a skirt (maxi) while i am trying to move in four of the largest bags (that are being pushed to their limits) in the world, what will the crew members first impression be? high maintenance, brat, dumb and an all over wtf is she doing here? so i have opted for a ratty tank and a pair of sophies.hopefully this will give them the idea, a)i hate sweating, b) she isn’t trying to hard and c)that she likes to be comfortable when she moves shit. and if not, and they still are like “what the f*** is she doing here?” well then it doesn’t matter. i am already over this whole caring about what people think, but first impressions are always what people seem to go back too.so let’s see if i have made the right choice. 

I need to start re-packing.ill try to get in touch with everyone when i get to the boat but i have a feeling that i will be working right off the bat.so until the next time, i send all my happy thoughts, love and everything else to you all.

huge,kisses and kittens,

lex

Hotel&the night before it all really starts.

So, there are several things that have happened today. I woke up, I went to the airport, I said goodbye to my biggest supporters, I got on a plane, I met a family/sat by them on the plane that will be on my ship, i checked in to the hotel, i sat at the bar, sat by the pool, sat by the bar some more, took a nap, ate dinner, went to walgreens twice, sat by the bar and now i am typing to the slow steady beat of kip moore’s voice (which is making me feel ten times better).

So let me begin saying that the flight earlier, from indy to orlando, was one of the best bad flights ever. That may not make sense to the people who don’t know me very well but to all of you weirdos/nerds that have put up with my nonsensical ways for any amount of time know that i like to look on the bright side, even when everything is going to hell.I boarded the plane, i hate planes (so really i should get claps for that), while smiling at all the tiny excited faces that were about to experience one of the most magical times in their lives it was hard to be nervous/upset.Everyone was just so happy it was like a sickness traveling through the crowd. I should have known this wasn’t going to last. There were many tiny children boarding the plane, 2-4s, and so on. Well if you have ever travelled with small children, you know it’s going to be a bumpy ride. For some reason babies don’t really seem to like loud noises, jolting movements and small areas where you can’t run/jump around. Anyways, I was in zone 5, one of the very last zones to be called aboard and that’s not a big deal to me.They already had my seat picked out, so why did it matter if i got there first or last? I walked down the aisle to D28.D is on the outside and 28 is in the very back with the jets , cue nervousness. Well sitting right next to me was a kid that was about 9-10 and his father a bigger guy with a nice friendly smile, we exchanged hellos and the nice greetings that you do so often from day-to-day, when the kid started talking to me. This kid was awesome, super sweet, asking questions and generally just a nice kid to sit by. Some people might find it over bearing to have a kid talking to you throughout your flight but to me it was calming and made me feel ten times better because it had me thinking of all my younger cousins who can’t stop talking, ever, so it was comforting. Anyways we got into a conversation about where we all were going and stuff. Well Dalton (the kid), told me he was going on a cruise making me automatically excited, so i started asking questions!”Oh where?Which one, Disney?Which ship?” “No, no. We are going on Carnival, The Dream.”(-Dalton). I about died.Did I really get lucky enough to meet a family that was going to be on the same ship as me, during my training week?Sweet. So the family and I became fast friends, talking and what not. If you know me at all i am overly excited and will talk forever about all the time.While this all was happening, in those 10 quiet beautiful minutes, the babies that i had earlier talked about, decided it was time to start freaking out. I mean it was insane, bawling, crying, screaming and really just throwing fits. I could literally feel the embarrassment that that poor family was feeling, it was like in waves, just pounding on these poor people. This emotional rollercoaster for these poor babies did not end, it did not end until after existing the plane. Once those people were walking down the aisle way it was like the babies hadn’t even opened up there mouthes or started tearing up in the eyes. It’s crazy, so many emotions in such small bodies just confuse me. 

After all that nonsense, I said goodbye to the family and to all of the other people I had talked to on the plane and went on my way. You don’t really realize how much you miss a place until you are back in that very place, smelling that familiar smell and seeing familiar sights that just pushes you back a couple of months in a very different time of your life that makes your heart just seize up and feel so happy to be back.Really, i don’t know what it is about florida but this place is just like home. It doesn’t have my family but it has so many memories here that it embraces me into a hug like a very old friend every time i get here. 

I got to my hotel and i can’t express how awful i felt when i walked through the doors. I was sweating, I was wearing flannel with black leggings, carrying 4huge bags and well just to put it short i did not look like i belonged. I should have been staying at the local holiday inn with the way i looked. Because seriously i walked in and this hotel took away my breath. It’s absolutely gorgeous. It’s beautiful in it’s simplicity and with the people here, i mean seriously? I did not expect this. Nor did i stand a chance. 

I thought all the nervousness had gone away with the flight, well it hadn’t. I mean let’s be honest, when you are all alone and you have nobody to talk too, what is one suppose to do? Well. I will be truthfully honest, i think and that’s when everything starts going down hill. I think so much, psyching myself out just making up problems and whatever just causing one huge problem…it just becomes crazy. I am here all alone, i don’t know anybody, i have only had conversations with the bell hops and the shuttle drivers (which crazy fun fact, one of the guys go to falafel..yeah.about that.:))oh and the bartender, who’s name is Alberto, he makes wonderful drinks. So hats off to him.:) While all this may be hard, it’s only the beginning and the beginning is always the worst. Everything will be fine and I will be fine. And if not, Indiana is gorgeous in the winter. 

Really, i have had a wonderful day and i know i will be better tomorrow. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, right? 

leaving you with all my love and thoughts.

hugs&kisses&kittens

lex